Slow Dance

When Shiloh is in 9th grade, Cary comes to her house to tell her that his mother has gotten married again. He also tells her that his mother is actually his grandmother. Shiloh shares her soup with him while Cary shares more about his complicated family. Shiloh tells him that her mother doesn’t know who her father is.

Shiloh displays Cary’s photo so she can see it and thinks she must restrain herself from sending him more baked goods. She worries that she is thinking about him too much.

Cary has only seen Shiloh once in the 14 years since they were last together in her dorm. At their five-year reunion, he briefly passed her, but they barely spoke. Cary was overcome with jealousy seeing Shiloh’s husband, Ryan. After the reunion, Cary began a relationship, but it failed. He learned about himself, “He’d made enough mistakes to recognize some patterns” (268). He kept up with Shiloh through Mikey and knew about her divorce. He began thinking about her more and is disappointed when he thinks she hadn’t come to Mikey's wedding. Once he sees her across the room at the reception, he knows he’ll be powerless to resist falling for her again. Shiloh wasn’t considered conventionally attractive in high school, and some classmates bullied her for her height, but Cary always thought she was beautiful.

One of Cary’s junior officers, Lieutenant Jones, gets emotional after a phone call with his family. His teenage son is having difficulties, and he feels guilty for not being there. Cary empathizes with him and reminds him they only have six more weeks at sea.

Cary and Shiloh continue their email correspondence. Shiloh sends more care packages with shortbread. Cary sends photos of his ship and a Navy fanny pack, which Junie takes. Shiloh says she’s trying to get better about sharing her feelings and tells Cary about celebrating Junie’s birthday with Ryan and his family and the complicated emotions that come with it. She wishes she could reclaim the 14 years she and Cary lost, and he agrees, writing, “I should have done less thinking and more holding on” (275). Cary asks if Shiloh is still dating women, and she explains that she’s attracted to women but, in general, she doesn’t like being around humans except for a few. Cary is coming home for 20 days after his deployment ends and will stay with Mikey. He asks Shiloh if he can take her to lunch.

Cary arrives at the children’s theater to pick Shiloh up for dinner. He runs to her when he sees her, and they’re both overjoyed to see each other. Once he touches her, Cary thinks he’s never missed her more and never wants to stop touching her. Since much of the theater cast has norovirus, Shiloh stands in for the part of the mushroom princess, delaying their dinner. She invites Cary to stay for the play and asks if he can play the part of a tree. Cary accepts, thankful for the chance to be on stage with Shiloh again. Kate helps him into his costume, and Shiloh does his makeup. The play goes well, and Shiloh only helps him once when he flubs a line. Afterward, Shiloh helps Cary out of his tree costume, and he drops to one knee.

Shiloh begs him to stop, but Cary pulls out a ring and proposes. He says he’s had time to think and wants to be with Shiloh. He only has six more years in the Navy and doesn’t expect her to leave Omaha and follow him. She protests, listing all the reasons it could go wrong, primarily citing her ex-husband and children. Cary promises he’s considered the cost and is up for the challenge. Though Shiloh has serious concerns and fears that saying yes might mean she could lose him, she accepts the ring, even though she asks for more time to think.

Ryan’s older than Shiloh, so he graduated from college first. They were both in a summer production. They had already been shopping for rings, though Shiloh wasn’t sure when he would propose. Ryan proposed at curtain call while the audience cheered. Shiloh said yes and thought it was the beginning of her perfect life with Ryan.

Cary takes Mikey with him to shop for Shiloh’s ring. Mikey worries that Cary should “pre-ask” Shiloh like he did with Janine and give her a chance to decline. Cary says he’s tired of wasting time and wants to “[…] start living and dying in the right direction” (295). Mikey helps Cary find just the right ring for Shiloh’s personality.

Cary was once engaged to Breanna, a woman he met while in officer training. Cary feels like she pushed them towards marriage, and two years into their engagement, she broke it off and returned the ring.

Still stunned by the proposal, Shiloh changes out of her costume, and she and Cary have a late dinner at a diner. They don’t talk while they eat. At the car, they kiss passionately, but Shiloh still feels like they’ve just made a reckless decision. Cary asks to spend the night, but Shiloh has the kids. They make plans to have dinner the following night.

Cary arrives at Mikey’s and tells him Shiloh accepted the proposal, but she has concerns over their living situation and the children. Mikey is excited and knows that Shiloh said yes because she loves Cary despite her reservations.

Shiloh doesn’t tell Tom about the engagement. Cary is late for dinner because he’s arguing with Jackie over selling Lois’s house. Jackie follows Cary to Shiloh’s house, and they continue their argument in her front yard. Gloria comes outside and tells Jackie to leave. Jackie curses at her. Cary feels embarrassed and apologizes to Gloria. Junie is overjoyed to see Cary, but Shiloh ushers him out of the room to compose himself. He notices she isn’t wearing her ring, but she has it on a chain around her neck with his dog tag. She’s keeping the engagement a secret from her mother and the kids until she has time to tell them properly. After dinner, Cary washes the dishes while Junie looks at pictures of humpback whales on Cary’s phone. She and Gus argue over who can hold the phone, and Shiloh breaks up the fight. Shiloh puts the kids to bed, and she and Cary sit together while he looks at the chain with his dog tag, surprised that she’s been wearing it.

Shiloh’s mom always stayed single, though she dated many men, some of whom were married. She would bring them home after her bartending job, but they never stayed past the morning for Shiloh to meet them. Gloria made Shiloh put a lock on her bedroom door.

When Shiloh is 40 weeks pregnant with Gus, she and Junie visit Ryan on the set of his school’s production of The Wizard of Oz. Though Shiloh feels huge, Ryan declares her beautiful and tells Junie that her mom is about to do something “magical.” Shiloh goes into labor the following day. Soon after, she discovers text messages—evidence of affairs—on Ryan’s phone from his female co-workers and a former student.

Cary only has 15 days left with Shiloh until he leaves. They visit Lois in her assisted living facility. Cary surprises Shiloh by wearing his winter whites because his mother likes seeing him in uniform. She pokes and pulls at his cords and medals on the car ride. Lois is visibly weaker than the last time Shiloh saw her. Lois wants to return home but knows that Cary wants to sell her house to pay for her to remain in the facility where she will receive care. Lois wishes he would find a partner and give her grandchildren.

Shiloh and Cary get takeout and eat at home since the kids are with Ryan. Cary is surprised that Shiloh is so supportive of his military career now since she was so opposed to the military in high school. Shiloh assures him that while she is still against war, she isn’t the same “asshole” she was in high school. She respects Cary's devotion to the Navy and service to the country. Getting older and becoming a parent has taught her that “Everything is complicated. Everyone is flawed. Most things are a compromise” (326). Cary presents his plan for the next five years when he can retire from the military. He will be stationed in San Diego for a year and may have another deployment, but they can see each other when he’s on leave and use Skype to stay in touch. After his time in San Diego, he hopes to apply for a position in Omaha at STRATCOM. After retirement, he hopes they can move out of the neighborhood. Shiloh weeps over the possibility of him being in Omaha, though she asserts she can’t be like the stereotypical Navy wives she’s seen online, which makes him laugh.

Shiloh sits in Cary’s lap, and suddenly, he feels overcome with an intense desire for her, a desire that’s been building since they were teenagers. He can hardly believe that after so many years of being painfully separated from her, the possibility of her being his is within reach. Shiloh invites him to her bedroom.

In Shiloh’s room, they undress quickly, and Cary is suffused with desire and urgency. He’s even aroused by Shiloh’s crooked teeth. He thinks back to all the times he’s been close to Shiloh and had to restrain himself. Even when they had sex in college, he couldn’t fully let go. Now, there’s no more holding back. Yet just as he is on top of her, Shiloh won’t look him in the eyes or kiss him in the mouth. She claims she is “fine,” but Cary can tell something is off, so he stops.

Shiloh tells Cary not to stop and that she needs time to “catch up,” something that she used to have to tell Ryan. She tells Cary to ignore her because sex overwhelms her. Unlike Ryan, Cary refuses to go on and wants her thoughts. Shiloh needs reassurance that Cary intends to move to Omaha. Cary wants sex to be enjoyable for Shiloh, but she’s struggled with her sexuality since having children and discovering Ryan’s infidelity. She doesn’t know how to articulate what she wants. Cary touches, kisses, and tells her to give him instructions as they go, and they can figure it out along the way. She bites Cary, which Ryan never allowed, and this instantly makes her anxiety fall away. The sex is pleasurable for both, and Cary tells her that, contrary to what she thinks, she is good at sex.